Monday, January 31, 2011

The Plan, (in a non-conformist, I don't follow "those" things kinda way)

Saturday I wrote about the jump, well... it's official, I jumped.

Aaaand I landed smack dab in the middle of a "Idontknowwhasit-itis" (That's a fancy way of saying that I have caught a nasty bug which doesn't have a name, but is still draining the crap out of me.) So, while I wait for the NyQuil to kick in I was thinking about my plans....

While my daily time-bar has exceedingly decreased and I am trying hard to fit all the monkeys back in the barrel, I figured I would start with something simple. Cooking.

I used to love to cook. I did it every night for my family and I even made them sit at the dinner table! There was a short time when I didn't do it, for certain personal reasons, but one day a couple of months ago (December to be exact) and I had the thought "I just need one goal. That's it, everything was a whirling dirvish of mass proportions and I need the top to stop spinning so I could sit on it." And I got the thought "Cooking. If I start cooking again, the writing will follow."

And that is what I did. Now, I am not saying that everything I have cooked over the past four weeks has been spectacular, (I just had to grab ketchup to save the Oh-so-dry-Mommy-I-can't-chew-this-roasted-chicken I made a couple of nights ago. My poor kids are troopers...) but the words --three simple words -- came two weeks after that.

Bam. I have started a new novel. (The exclamation point is too expected after the Bam! I think it's more serene this way, huh??)

To grow more courage I shipped off a very weird tale to the kickin mag Weird Tales, yes, lofty goals. But my tale is seriously weird, while I have an idea where it came from I can honestly look at it and say I was drinking the surrealism tea (not slang for anything recreational, I promise) when I wrote it. Anywhoo, I don't expect anything out of it, just the simple fact of putting myself back out into the writing world. Plus I wrote the first poem I've written since October. All in all, it's been alright on the writing front for me. (No acceptances or declines, but again, I have to start somewhere.)

I have also decided to mix and match some things I have learned along the way from writers I respect and admire, with the littler things that helped me get to my comfortable ways of before... Now I am sure I have you on the seat of anticipation with what I am going to do, but I think the NyQuil has finally hit full dosage and I am winding down, fast.

While I will be back, for now, I have no nuggets of wisdom, no springs of terror, just the well wishes for all to have a nice day tomorrow and to watch out because that purple dragon behind you looks hungry!

Happy writing folks!!

Saturday, January 29, 2011

The Long Time Gone, The Stall and now, The Jump...

It had been three months to the day since I've written a blog post (yesterday), it has been longer than that since I have written on the message boards, visited the sites of magazines I hold dear to my heart and exchanged witty banter with people cut from the same writing cloth as I am. I have secluded myself from the world because I didn't know how to handle the world I had finally chosen all on my own... and now, I am taking a jump.


To say that I am nervous is an understatement. I don't know where or how to take the first step towards the place I used to be. The place where I was most comfortable at. So I am blogging, writing, and I am continuing forward until I find that place where I fit, snuggled in nicely, just like I once was.

These are my wobbly baby-steps.

Here is something that is blatantly obvious about me, I never do something unless I am ready, I have an inane need to be prepared. I over analyze like no one's business, I look under the hood, examine the undercarriage, poke the sleeping bear to see if it's still in hibernation mode, jump on the mattress to make sure the springs bounce but don't snap, stretch and pull at them to make sure they don't break and do about one million other things to prepare myself for any sort of problems that may come up for me. And what I have figured out from all of this, through three months (longer if you count the non-attendage of the writing message boards) of "waiting to be ready," is that I am stalling.

And what am I stalling from? What has caused me to be so very cautious? What in the world am I waiting for? A sign? An ephiphany? Another dream that takes me off to a magical place where the characters invade every aspect of my being?

Maybe I am. But I have made a decision, whether I am ready or not, I am taking this leap. I can not wait anymore. While it doesn't fit yet, the sweater can be dampened and pulled to fit me. I don't have to keep searching for the perfect situation, the perfect opportunity, the perfect solution. Because, to be completely honest with myself... nothing is "Perfect," ever. It is only my attitude that causes perfectly-flawed me...I am saying this because, with all of my flaws, my over-analyzing things, running over the same thought again and again and again, like a top that never drops, I am right where I need to be. Is there a better time than that?

I don't know. But I am going to find out.

And from here, I jump.