Thursday, December 24, 2009

The Do-Over

There are many times in life when we make choices we wish would have never happened. They make us grimace and sometimes even cause us more pain that what we thought we could bear.

But the wonderful thing about life is that with each day it brings another start. Another try at what we set out to accomplish. There is no "It's a Wonderful Life" type miracle, and the pain may stay for longer than we hoped for, eventually there is a point where we have to move on.

We look our mistake in the eye, shake our fist at it, say "Never Again," and (if we are lucky) really mean it. Of course there are always obstacles. Life would be half as rewarding if it were a cake walk. But the do-over allows us to be human, make mistakes and hopefully, for most of us, learn from our past indiscretions. And knowledge is the most powerful tool we can harbor.

The situation may be small or to an extreme extent. The *groaning* "I shouldn't have done that..." could be a momentary slap in the forehead or something more painful that lasts a while. The times where the mistakes seem to never leave your mind, can really grade on you and wear you down. If it is a BIG one, it's probably the hardest thing you will ever accomplish getting over the "I wish it wouldn't have happened." But take heart and pride in the fact that the all natural human behavior of making said mistakes are just that.

Know that once the smoke clears, the sun breaches the crest of the next morning and the memory fades into something a little less harsh, you will learn to come to terms with it; then we can truly be free.

Monday, December 21, 2009

The Inspiration

Inspiration comes in many forms, for many different people. It's something that wakes a little piece of you up; a pure moment within yourself where you can feel your heart breathing. It's the moment you realize you're functioning at a different level than you do in your every day life.

Our muses can only take us so far. We have to work at it to keep her going, together we grow and become what we are truly destined to be.

For me, I find inspiration in dark places, stark songs that bring out the 'real' in reality, meaty books with a light message but one which is relayed in a way to make you think, even if it's a simple process. Artwork and movies help inspire me as well as acts of human kindness where one would expect none.

I'm sure it's different for everyone. There is no right or wrong way to look for inspiration. It simply just 'Is,' or is 'Not.' But the fascinating thing I love most about being inspired is that it truly is absolute, it comes from no where, and the wheels in my mind start to crank on their own.

When no one is turning the shaft, it's the best, most freeing feeling in the world.

Creating something from a special place inside of you is more often than not exhilarating, even if the journey to find the perfect way to phrase what you're trying to say, or get the imagery right, becomes frustrating, there is no match to that moment when you are thrust into a scene and become taken away with it.

Wind in your hair, balls to the wall and any other cliche you can imagine, none are as true as when you are in the moment of the inspiration.

It's the same with every day life, looking at the little things will help, remembering what it was like to be a child on Christmas morning, not being able to lie in bed because your legs had a mind of their own. It's what prompts my blog posts and it's something I'm always looking for.

That one magical moment of sheer perfection.

The words that come out of me may need tweaking, they will never be perfect as such things are when they first roll out of you. But the spark has been lit, the idea is there, it's what makes things great, better and drives you to complete the idea as a whole.

That is what truly drives me to find inspiration where ever I go. More often than not, my eyes are wide open, I'm viewing the world with a child-like merriment, just to see where it can take my mind for the next time.

The Old and The New

As I posted when I started this blog, I was having problems with my other site, so I decided to move here. Now that I have, I will start incorporating some of my older blogs to the new site.

Sooo... if you've read these posts already, don't feel like you're suffering from a case of Deja vu, but take peace in the fact that I'm just moving my old stuff to meet my new stuff.

More new stuff will follow, but for now, I hope you can enjoy the old.

Happy Holidays!!

The Playground

Once a month I go to my son's elementary school to help out with lunch--no I'm not a lunch lady :) There are no hairnets or rubber gloves on when I go. The parents help out, its something nice that our school does, the are parent involved and lets the kids know the parents care. It's kind of fun actually.

I don't do anything super great, just get spoons and forks when they are needed. Say "Yes" when they ask to go to the bathroom, open up packages or milk if it's warranted.

But as I walk around the lunchroom, the different murmurs of children progressively becomes louder as they combine together in a cacophonous tone which reverberates off of the walls making the noise grow even more. I find myself not bothered, instead I tune out the pandemonium and watch.

Children have the most wonderful way of doing things. Their minds work in the most wondrous ways. They allow curiosity of the unknown drive them, not caring about the world around them. If they want to mix chocolate milk and ranch dressing together, eat it (or drink it) they do. And then get so excited, and proud of the mystery fluid they concocted, they feel the need to tell someone about it. OR if they can't eat the apple their mother packed for them, because their teeth are missing, they figure out another way... using a spoon no less.

Not sure many adults would like of something that far away from the norm. They would, most likely, find a knife and cut the apple in several pieces. It is more practical that way. But kids don't care about practicality, they set their sights to something and they don't worry about the obstacles... they just do.

As we move out to the playground my fascination grows. Watching the girls run as fast as they can, remembering the feeling of the wind whipping through my hair and just how freeing it really felt. Never losing my breath afterward, I would just pick up and start running again. Not bothering with the people surrounding me, not worrying if they were watching me or not. I just ran because it felt good and I liked it.

Kids pick up all sorts of things outside. Amazing things that, to them, are treasures. I have seen them bring small trophies up to the TA with so much excitement they are practically shaking, only to show a sunflower seed someone must have dropped while eating a snack. It doesn't matter, they won't think about where it came from, instead they will place it in their pocket and keep it as a trinket for a short while.

Now that spring is here and the ground is no longer wet, the kids play this marvelous game. I was told it was supposed to be a twist on dodgeball, because instead of throwing it, you kick the ball. If the other team catches it then the kicker is out.

But these kids changed the rules.

They play differently, they separate into grades, there is no picking... no one is chosen last. One grade on one team, the other grade on the other team. They kick the ball and catch it, and kick it again. No one wins, no one loses, no one scrutinizes, a never ending game of fun.

I'm told that they changed the rules of their own accord, they didn't want anyone's feelings to get hurt and this was their decision. I've been told that teachers and the principal even have tried getting them to play different games ie. football, basketball, soccer. But they always go back to this game... it is incredible really.

I think we forget, when we grow up just how good it feels to not have any worries, to be carefree, yes... not everything is hunky dory for kids. But do you remember what it was like to peddle your bike so fast up the hill that you thought your legs were going to fall off, just to see if you really could jump it at the top? Do you remember how it felt if you did get off the ground, even if it was just a hair? It felt like you were flying...

When does the innocence go away? Why does the outside world effect us so much? Is life really so stressful that we can't just let go and feel the breeze in our hair again? What are we afraid of?

Thursday, December 10, 2009

The Little Things

Scientists and pragmatic people alike spend hours upon hours trying to figure out why one person likes something and another one won't. Marketing businesses spend millions of dollars testing their products to see which will be more appealing to the masses.

The constant search for trying to figure out human nature has been going on as long as we were standing on two legs; it will continue to go on as long as we remain on this planet.

But I think that people over-look the little things so much. It's who we are, what we like and it's the little things that say more than any other thing could probably tell anyone. Just as appreciating the "little things" in life are important, so are the "little things" we tend not to pay attention to when it comes to getting to know someone.

Think about underpants. A person who wears tighty-whity's is probably a lot less likely to hang loose (no pun intended... well... maybe a little bit,) a person who wears fun, crazy, print underwear probably has lots of fun in life.

Neither is right or wrong, but I'm just sayin...'

"They" say you can never really know a person until you live with them. As per their quirks, their habits and if they are a morning person or a night person. That's true to some extent. But how often do we look deeper?

The brand of toothpaste they like, the way they take a shower... is it shampoo or soap first? How often they floss, do they put their dishes in the dishwasher right away or do they wait a little while? What kind of socks do they like?

I think the same goes with friends though, I mean we don't hang out with people we have NOTHING in common with, but despite their similarities, they will also have their own, unique differences. Not only in specific intrests such as: movies, books or music, but WHY they like it.

Seriously if you take a little more time getting to know the people who are already in your life, by asking about the little things, you might be surprised at what you find.

Friday, December 4, 2009

The Music

More often than not, I write to music.

The tones, lyrics and rhythm helps create atmosphere. It can coax a thought from of a crevice of my mind when I'm having a hard time finding words. Or it can help me string the words together when I wasn't able to before.

Music truly inspires me.

Which is why I am always on the lookout for tunes, lyrics, artists that are new and different. There are many things out there that are quite enjoyable. But the "WOW" factor? the one that stops your heart and makes you feel at one? Music like that doesn't come around often.

It's hard to find something that 'Oh Good Gravy,' I can feel the lyrics in my blood, type of mind blowing experience. Needless to say, once I find those precious artists who manage to make my heart beat with their rhythms; I hold on tight.

NPR has a song of the day in which I love to listen too. Most of the time, I can listen to the song once, read up on the band/person and move on with my day. But two times, their chosen song has made me stop and say "Hey, I'd like to hear more."

I always keep my ears open. And it's sad to say, for me at least, that I haven't been jazzed about a song for longer than I'd like to admit. Yes, I am loyal to my favorites and I can't write this entry without giving them props.

However, Tuesday night, I found a new band.

Oona and Dave Tweedie (though it's seems like they are just called Oona, I'm still looking into it.)

Oona Garthwaite has a voice that rolls over the music in a hauntingly hypnotizing way. The song I heard - Tore my heart - was stuck in my head until I managed to find a partial version. But when I found this site at I was really tickled with the other songs they had displayed as well. Dave Tweedie displays a wonderful twisted way of bringing out the darker notes with the ensemble of music he plays on the backdrop of Oona's voice.

Needless to say I'm hooked.

Their debut album Shhhhout can be found at iTunes, but I have yet to purchase it because I'd love to have it in a solid form as well. But make no mistake my friends, I will have it and I can't wait to see what the music brings out of me.

Monday, October 19, 2009

The Expression

Everyone should have an outlet to express themselves. A place where they can just feel at peace to be themselves. Somewhere they can feel safe and good and true.

My place is writing.

It's something I didn't realize for a long time, something that stunted me in my growth as a human. Now I understand how great of a power it truly is for me.

I love getting lost in my thoughts, it is that free falling feel as though I was tumbling down a tunnel, but for some reason it feels safe and allows me to truly feel at home with myself. I was writing this blog with everyone else in mind, afraid that if I was myself I might be too bias. Now I just want to express my thoughts how I think them. I was under the impression, for a long time, that if I got lost in my thoughts that I would become too self involved, but I now realize that we all deserve some self involvement once in awhile.

I never really feel alive unless I am creating something, drawing, knitting, cooking, painting and yes, as I have mentioned, writing. I enjoy pouring myself into something that I can start at conception and see grow. I like to learn to help better those self expressions and to feel that I am accomplishing something suitable for me. I know that I can do anything I want to do, I just have to make it happen.

Expressing myself helps me go forward on that journey. It may not be profound to someone else, but honestly if it helps me develop into a better me, then that is all that really matters. It will help me be in a better mood, it will help me be a well rounded individual, and all in all a happier woman, it will help me move forward. Past the hard things in life and cushion the good.

When my "muse" comes knocking on my door, I see things in words or pictures. I try to make them come to life and in doing so, I am being true to myself. It's taken me a long time to realize that that is okay. It's okay to do what strikes my fancy. And it's helped me realize that it's the only way for me to truly be happy.

Art and writing are not for everyone. I understand that. Some people make music, some people create wonderful works out of wood, some people are passionate about football. I think it's not how you express yourself, if it hold some sort of substance to you and makes you feel good that's all that matters. Express yourself in whatever way you see fit. Just as long as you do.

The Big Move

Alright, so I moved my blog some were for personal reasons and others where for unpersonal reasons -- more unpersonal than personal actually... I was quite frustrated because I couldn't change my blog over to my gmail account. It seriously hindered my commenting abilities. But now, I'm hoping this move will change that situation substantially.

So for anyone that is confused with this new change, it's merely semantics, trying to squelch any more frustration in my life.

Alright, I'm out for now.

Blog at ya later