moving on up

*sigh* My browser (or any browser that i visit to be honest) is no longer supported by Blogger. My beautiful bliggidy-blog that I have mildly abandoned but never forgotten has become almost completely incapacitated... pity-party over! A new, fresh start, while not planned, and not exactly disired can always be an intersting adventure! Change is good, it means something new and different is on the horizon. It means growth and learning. Growth and learning is always good. Stay tuned for the site, I'm on a blog hunt~ Happy Writing!

the swing of things

getting into the blogger motion is a little more than type some words, hit the button. it's more than a physical thing, for me anyway.

i do highly admire those that seem to have their blog engrained in their daily habit so much so that they don't miss a routinely scheduled post. no matter what seems to be going on in their life. maybe this is the proper outlet for them, I'm not sure, i tend to not make a habit out of speaking for other people. i have yet to ask them because, well... i've been away for a very long time and it's hard to get the needle into the groove while feeling as though i've missed a chunk of their life. however awkward, i am stepping quitely back into the bloggy-fold and trying to support those who supported me so long ago. i miss that little circle and hope to return wiser and better for my absence.

so, the swing of things, getting back into writing has been good. it's fantastic actually. i missed hearing the voices of characters, feeling their emotions so deeply that I grow angry, dance along, or even cry for them, and flail my arms in aghast at their frustrations, it's a different kind of life the writer lives in fiction and in real life, but i love it.

in the past i've made several promises to myself all getting side tracked and falling to the wayside because of one obtsicle or another. and what i've learned in this process is that promises are light and frivolous. i'm not particarlly proud of this, but unfortunatly that seems to be the case with promises to myself (any promises made to another i do follow through with, it's easier to let myself down than them-- it's something i've always stood by and always will)but i have found that i will not make promises to myself anymore - i will just do.

in my just doing i have written and rewritten a short story, getting it ready for beta laurie's eyes. i have started blogging again and for lack of another good example i have broken down to join a gym and i'm actually going (i've always worked out, i'm just trying to get out of the house more). my point? Just DO is action. i'm ready for it and i'm making it happen. no promises. just do. get back into the swing of things.

something tells me i dawdle

A wise woman told me that it's okay to dip a toe in. Just because I haven't done what I love to do in a recent time period doesn't mean I should cease to do it...

Yet, I am dawdling.

There are a myriad of reasons I can blame on the fact I've schlepped. But when it comes down to the skinny, I only have myself to blame. My fear (and threating fear with a pistol whippage doesn't work well -- sometimes it tends to kick back).

You see, I threw myself into my passion so vigorously that I got somewhat lost...actually, I don't ever think I was not lost (metaphorically speaking of course, literally I have a fantastic sense of direction, ironic eh?) I suppose that the writing managed to find me, which was a pleasure and a joy. AND while I learned much from many fantastic people throughout my four year dive into the writing pool I didn't know what to do with it when I found myself floundering.

I proceeded to write word after word each with a deeper meaning and practiced until my eyes wanted to burst out of my head until I found a voice that could be mine... I can still hear the tone, the inflections, (the redundancy? nah, just in my blog post) the rhythm. And I can still write. Not well, or at least not as well as I was, but I will get there again. I have no doubt of it.

While I dawdle, I will wade, fearful, but... not afraid.

I have a rough-rough completed, a short story spawned from another's dream. I have the first draft half way done, I know where I want to send it when I get it to the place I deem appropriate and I am hoping for a bright outlook on the submission, which is, of course, far-away because of dawdle.

This is far from the first blog post I've written since last July, but I believe it is going to be the first that I will post because, I am ready to. I have found that I'm approaching things with caution and not throwing vigor into everything, just yet.

Wading, until I feel comfortable again, as myself.

Until then -- I will dawdle.