Tuesday, April 17, 2012

something tells me i dawdle

A wise woman told me that it's okay to dip a toe in. Just because I haven't done what I love to do in a recent time period doesn't mean I should cease to do it...

Yet, I am dawdling.

There are a myriad of reasons I can blame on the fact I've schlepped. But when it comes down to the skinny, I only have myself to blame. My fear (and threating fear with a pistol whippage doesn't work well -- sometimes it tends to kick back).

You see, I threw myself into my passion so vigorously that I got somewhat lost...actually, I don't ever think I was not lost (metaphorically speaking of course, literally I have a fantastic sense of direction, ironic eh?) I suppose that the writing managed to find me, which was a pleasure and a joy. AND while I learned much from many fantastic people throughout my four year dive into the writing pool I didn't know what to do with it when I found myself floundering.

I proceeded to write word after word each with a deeper meaning and practiced until my eyes wanted to burst out of my head until I found a voice that could be mine... I can still hear the tone, the inflections, (the redundancy? nah, just in my blog post) the rhythm. And I can still write. Not well, or at least not as well as I was, but I will get there again. I have no doubt of it.

While I dawdle, I will wade, fearful, but... not afraid.

I have a rough-rough completed, a short story spawned from another's dream. I have the first draft half way done, I know where I want to send it when I get it to the place I deem appropriate and I am hoping for a bright outlook on the submission, which is, of course, far-away because of dawdle.

This is far from the first blog post I've written since last July, but I believe it is going to be the first that I will post because, I am ready to. I have found that I'm approaching things with caution and not throwing vigor into everything, just yet.

Wading, until I feel comfortable again, as myself.

Until then -- I will dawdle.


Laurie said...

Dawdling's not always a bad thing. Let's you appreciate the journey. A headlong sprint leaves you breathless and you miss the view.

Kara McElhinny said...

Thank you kindly, my dear friend. I am enjoying and pacing and feeling much smarter!