Wednesday, September 15, 2010

The Break

And it's official. Two months, almost to the day, my brain has ceased to pass words to my fingers. Yes, I've had little blurbs here and there and it's been rough, my life has taken an unscheduled, but absolutely necessary stop. It wasn't a block, it was more of an emotional strike. With all that has been going on, Mackenzie (my muse) had kindly scooted back to the corner to sit within the shadows. She's sipped on red wine in her leather boots, patiently braiding and unbraiding her auburn hair, catching flies between chopsticks, flicking her nails, doing interesting things that she has yet to share with me. Her patience waning.

Before my little break, I was under the assumption that I wrote because I wanted to, not because I had to. I'm not a "have to" kind of person, I've stricken those words from coming cross my lips for several different reasons. Plus, I'd gone many years without writing and while there was a piece of me missing, I wasn't completely unhappy. However, now that I have gone on the great journey, traveling through my mind in a gossamer string of cleverly webbed words, nothing feels the same.

And now, I have to say, I was wrong.

I have to write.

It's not as though I'm suffering from physical withdraw, not at the current moment anyway, it's more of a metaphysical angst. The pain in my heart because I've not written much over the past two months is great, and I never thought I would feel something like this.

Yes, I know, it's different.

The past few days have actually been almost excruciating, Mackenzie whispering small thoughts to me in her fantastic way, buttering me up for the time, in a few days I'm assuming, when I'm ready to jump back on the writing wheel. It's a feeling that is enthralling, yet scary. I'm not one that gives up - breaks are, sometimes, an evil we all may have to endure at one point or another. I'm not beating myself up for it. My RL wouldn't have been able to take the strain of another obstacle added, in my case it was not a decision I made willingly, it just sort of happened. But now, I know, I'm ready for the break to end. It's time, and I believe that with a certain amount of semblance in place that I am ready to take on the words and thoughts, the musings and whispers of my muse. I can only imagine where she will take me, or where I will find myself again. I'm looking forward to it.

Slowly, but surely I will work my way back, I'm ready!


Lee Thompson said...

Yay! Feed your muse and let your muse feed you or you both starve, and what good is that? I'm so happy that you're going to let her flit through your head and sprinkle her magic dust across your neural pathways. Exciting! Life will get better. Ups and downs. Downs and ups. It's a big teeter-totter. Let the sun warm your face when you're at the top and bend your legs when you drop back down.

Have you heard of a story called, "The Strange Case of Dr. Umbrella and Ms. Wonder?" Tee hee. Fun!

Aaron Polson said...


I know that metaphysical angsty-feeling. Worse than physical withdrawal, in my opinion.

Go you! Go Mackenzie! Back in the proverbial saddle!

Cate Gardner said...

Good to see you back, Kara. Oh, and we should never ignore our muses, they're known to turn nasty if we do.

K.Hinny said...

Lee - LOL, thanks for the great talk! And you're right :D

Aaron - It is worse than the physical withdraw, and I'm just pleased that Mackenzie has been very patient with me. :D

Cate - Thanks! And I'm glad to be back, and yes, the nasty side of the muse is one thing I've experienced first hand! Thankfully, she's a wee bit understanding. :D

Anonymous said...

Muses know when to be quiet and when to scream in your ear. Obviously Mackenzie knows the difference.

Good luck hon and know I'm here for you.


K.Hinny said...

Thanks Shadow! And yes, she's a good muse. We understand one another and that always help!! See you around real soon!

Bea Sempere said...

Great post, Hinny. I'm glad to hear you're coming back to writing.

"Mackenzie whispering small thoughts to me in her fantastic way, buttering me up for the time, in a few days I'm assuming, when I'm ready to jump back on the writing wheel."

What a great line.

K.Hinny said...

Thanks Bea! It's nice to be back, and hearing the twitters of Mackenzie's voice!! I popped over to your blog to read and comment, I haven't forgotten you, but the kids went haywire and I had to hop off the computer!

I'll be around real soon! Thanks, as always for being so great!!