Friday, April 30, 2010

The Closed Door

I wish I could go back two years ago and have the innocence I did when I wrote the rough copy of my WIP.

At the moment I have a battle raging in my head. One that is fighting the "Closed Door", it wants me to start from the beginning. To get my words straight and clean. Get everything perfect and do it right! BUT the other side is telling me that there is no need for that. This is the second time I have re-started this WIP. If I start again, I will plunge myself back into a deep portal of the never-ending story and Cinder will never get done.

I seem to keep forgetting that I write a jungle of words only to have to weed through them afterward.

When I first started (before I was comfortable enough to call myself a writer) I let the characters speak to me. They showed me and I would write it down. My motto was "It doesn't matter, I'll change it later..." now I'm doubting myself. I know more now than I did then and I'm left wondering if ignorance is bliss.

Of course I don't really believe in blissful ignorance however, I do think there is something to it. I want to shed the nagging doubts wreaking havoc on my brain and just allow the words to flow. Who cares if I write the same thing over three times? I'll fix it in the rewrite. RIGHT? (not yelling at ya'll, just trying to make myself see the point).

That is correct. For now I have to plug away, pull forward and keep going. This story needs to be finished. It NEEDS to have an ending (and a middle). I want to see what happens and let the story pour out, without second guessing every word written. I want to feel like I'm accomplishing something.

BUT I AM. That's the part that is killing me the most. I've written over 1800 words today and I'm not done. There are bits and pieces of solid plot. I have ground to stand on. The characters are still talking to me. I just don't know where they're taking me. Maybe that's what I'm doubting...

I'll drive myself into a slow pit of madness if I continue to allow the nagging doubt to get to me.


Lee Thompson said...

Hey, Kara. This is a sad post. I think we all go through the doubt stages in our work. For me it always comes about half way into my work, whether short story or novel. It's natural. And if you're a perfectionist it makes it even worse.

There seem to be two camps on the drafts. I think it's a good idea for some to write as fast and ferociously as they can, but others need to take their time and write the first draft as clean as possible. I rather take the extra time because I hate to have to go through on a second draft and change every sentence--focusing more on character motivation, sensory details and structure at that point.

Don't give up! You can push through this.

K.Hinny said...

Shucks, I wasn't trying to make you feel sad Lee. I was just trying to vent off some of my frustration with myself. I normally let things flow and fix it later. It's what works for me.

You're right in saying that everyone has their own techniques. Thanks for reading!!

The Dark Engine said...

It has never made much sense to me to spend an hour carefully honing a paragraph (or a stanza) only to later determine later that it has no place in the finished work. Words and time wasted. Make the writer step back and let it all pour out because you cannot truly know what you need and where you're going until you've arrived.

William Cook said...

Hi Kara , I have been in the same situation as you, as have many writers before you. I dug myself out of my hole by letting go of the first story (after all, no-one had read it yet) and beginning anew - it was surprizingly easy as I had all the characters, plot and half the story written re. 1st draft. SOmetimes it's best to start fresh and put the other stuff to one side for a few months. Have you ever used a dictaphone to put down story/dialogue etc. You write well on your blog; just wondering, do you find that you do more blog posts when you write less elsewhere? :)

Bea Sempere said...

*puts arm around Hinny and pats her back*

I think it's good you use your blog to vent, or shout out to the world your confusion. It's better than turning to alcohol. *sighs* Scratch that last sentence, who am I kidding? Alcohol helps. :D

Anyways, keep writing girl. You're noticing your improvement and that's great.

K.Hinny said...

Joe - I actually agree with your statement. I think that's why I started writing the way I did. I just let it come and knew it would be changed when the story came to complete fruition. Thanks for reading! :D

William - thanks for the kind words about my blog writing skills :D I've never tried a Dictaphone, but anything can help.

Bea - Thanks so much {hugs} (if I get a bottle of something I'll share it with ya ;) )

K. Allen Wood said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
K. Allen Wood said...

Why fret, Hin-dawg? You need to write your way! And who's to say the way you approach a story will be the same each time?

Don't worry about things; just write, write, write. If that means kicking down the door and spraying words in every direction with reckless abandon, or being meticulous, making sure every paragraph shines before moving to the next, then so be it.

Do what's right for the story and don't worry about the so-called "right way to write."

K.Hinny said...

Thanks Ken. I think it was just my scheduled (apparently I have one now) monthly panic setting in. I'm back to the relaxed It will flow how it flows mantra.

Nomar Knight said...

Hello Kara,

I understand your doubts, but try to look at the bright side, the characters are still talking to you. Sometimes I get caught up in my surroundings that I lose touch with some exciting characters. Be grateful, keep plugging, and I'm sure everything will fall into place. :-)

Nomar Knight

K.Hinny said...

That's great advice. :D I'm gonna keep going until I get to the end, doubts or no doubts.

Thanks for reading Nomar!

Benjamin Solah said...

I can totally relate.

I often wish I could go back to when I didn't take writing so seriously and just wrote the story because I enjoyed telling it.

I'm ploughing through a draft too with nagging thoughts attached.

You're right, we just need to write it out. Good luck!

mmcelhinny said...

I think you've already figured it out sweetie. Just let Kaitlin talk you through it.

Demon Hunter said...

Don't let the doubt get to you. All writers go through it at some point. You'll do fine. ;-) Keep writing and learning and getting better at what you do. It's a slow process for all of us. ;-)

K.Hinny said...

Ben - :D We're solid together! Great out put last month for you!! :D Keep plodding away.

Matt- Thanks and I know.

Tyhitia - I'm letting the doubt fall right off my back. Just a quick panic then back to work! Thanks for reading.

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