The Balance.

I think it's more than ironic, when choosing balance as a blog topic this week, I decide to get sick. I've been trying to write this post for three days. Between hacking and sneezing it's been a rough one. :D

Currently, I am in the process of trying to get back the balance in my life. I was on a fantastic roll. I wrote everyday, read everyday and spent time in the Real World everyday (doing not so exciting things like laundry, cooking and cleaning.) I was learning so much and my writing was growing in leaps and bounds. I had a pretty neat little thing going on for months.

Then, of course, real life had to hit me in the head with a big pile of poo. My perfected system sank down into the abyss. I barely wrote, barely read and had very little time to clean. It was a mess (in more ways than one,) and while I wanted to bring back balance into my life because consistency is something I like, I couldn't seem to jump back on the damn horse.

Life, in her funny way likes playing jokes on us. She twists things around to keep us on our toes, and balance is not always possible to find. I'm pleased that I didn't allow it to get me down too much this time. I knew that eventually everything would have to settle.

Thankfully, I am fluffing out the last of the wrinkles from my unbalanced life. Balance is right over the hill (once I get over this damn bug. :D)

I am a firm believer in writing every day, even if it is nonsense. Just to keep my brain warm until I'm ready for the unnonsense to come back. Now that I'm back on kilter, I will be writing everyday, reading everyday...etc. I have a set schedule in my head that I'm going to try like mad to keep. Maybe next time, I'll be able to duck when the poo gets tossed my way and keep plugging on, maybe.

I am throwing out a question to everyone. How do you keep balance when things get rough? How do you keep on plugging away emotionally or writerly or otherwise? What works for you? I know that everyone has different methods and I'm curious to see how similar or distinct they are.

The First Short Story Published!!!!

Hey All! I finally get to announce my first publishment!!

Felicity at Flashes In The Dark!

It's a short one, but I couldn't be more tickled! I actually can't believe it's happened, but I am hoping it's a sign of good things to come. :D

Please enjoy!

Happy writing
Hinny!

The Reading

Before I became a writer I was a schizophrenic reader. I devoured books one after another, plowing through them like it was no one's business. Then I would burn out and not read, only to pick up another book four months later and wonder why I hadn't read for so long and the cycle would continue.

Since I've started writing, I've learned to savor the books, I don't worry about trying to finish a 400 page novel in one day. I understand how important it is for me to keep reading. And as much as I enjoyed it before, I have a better appreciation for how reading can help my writing.

Over the past couple of weeks I've noticed something amazing happening when I read. I pay attention to grammar and different styles more, and I can break down different descriptions of scenarios. It's more than helpful, with each word I read a little seed gets planted in my head. My own ideas start to sprout, and I've felt the stories help to start inspire. Fresh and new ideas that I know wouldn't be there if I wouldn't keep on the reading track.

A lot of published writers really promote reading, and while I've always read since I was a little girl, I finally understand why.

What are some stories that inspire you? Have you noticed how reading helps you in your writing? Let me know, I'd love to hear!

The Voices

I hear voices in my head.

They are all knowing. They let me into a world I would not have been privy to if I would not have listened to them. They are characters seeking out vengeance, sick bastards who lust for blood, or innocent bystanders who got in the way of an antagonist without knowingly doing so.

I can write and create without said voices. They usually follow if I decide to work off an idea instead of voices alone. But, when they come on their own it always makes the story a little more special. I get to know the characters, their thoughts and feelings or what actions they would pursue if they were faced with a room full of blood, realizing only moments after - they were the cause.

It's quite fun.

One could argue that yes, these come from within me. I suppose they do, but I'm always delighted and surprised by the new developments in a character or story when the piece takes on a life of its own.

The more I write, the louder the voices get. And from where I started out, with a nineteen year old male trying to take over my body, impossible to ignore.

They are apart of my creative process. I adore listening to what the characters have to tell or show me. They come out for a reason, while I'm not entirely sure why I was chosen to tell their story, I always enjoy that little trip into my head, to learn or to grow as a writer. I'm not ashamed of the voices. I indulge in them whenever I get a quite opportunity and I giggle at the unusual gazes when I tell someone who won't understand.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

The Words

I never seem to have a lack of words to write or to speak.

While I get inspiration from all walks of life, a poem or a nightmare too real to ignore, it's never difficult for me to get the words out of my head and into my computer.

That being said, I am having a slump of sorts.

I have plenty of ideas bumping around my noggin. I get them out before they blow away and find another willing to turn it into a proper story. The problem is turning them into something sensible. I'm not trying not to pressure myself but to be honest, the stack of unfinished work I have is going to topple over and crush me. Killed-dead, by a pile of my own thoughts (of course that end is somewhat appropriate for a writer....)

Every day I sit and look at the words, or a blank screen trying to take on a fresh start for my stories and honestly even though the words keep coming, they don't form a complete plot.

There are many different avenues for me to cruise down of course. I can keep picking away at the stories and then when I finally figure out what's the what, I can start for real, but most of my ideas start in an awkward place.

I need more backstory, frontstory, or I miss the interesting parts all together. My first WIP was a complete history of my characters before I pulled out the meaty bits, and realized what they were trying to tell me.

However, now I'm faced with my problem at hand, and while I'm not going so far as to call it a block (because I've proven to myself that I'm not blocked in the slightest) I'm trying to figure out why these plots are so coy with me. I'm not worried, just at an impasse. I know they will come when they come and I'll keep writing until they do (I spent too much time *not* writing to do otherwise.)

Unfortunately this slump couldn't have happened at a worse time. Shock Totem is having their monthly flash fiction contest and while I have the frame for my story, nothing else is following. I keep trying though, I'm not one to give up, I had hoped that this little challenge would jog something back into place. Now I just have to have something of substance by midnight, Sunday. I'll get some kick ass feedback and I'd love to keep growing.

For now I invite the words to keep coming... but can I get a bit flesh for my plot as well? Please?

The Waiting.

I am not a patient person.

Over time I have learned to hold off on my irritation for less than spectacular timing, but I still hate waiting. Now, I've started the hardest task of my life -- submitting stories and poems. It is the second round of subbing for me. Last time was a no go and I too a break to learn a little more. For the last six weeks I have been sending out three things per week just to get a feel for it again.

I figured if I kept sending stuff out, eventually it would start looping around as the rejections or (hopefully!!) acceptances came and I could continue on in my merry subbing. The time has come where I have run out of things to sub and now I have to stock pile more of my musings in a sellable way. However, while I'm doing just such a thing I've realized I haven't heard back from anyone yet.

As everyone who will read this blog, published and unpublished writers alike, will tell me that I have to be patient, and that six weeks isn't that long of a time to have to wait for something. Sometimes it takes five months. Other times, it takes a year.

I do understand this. I really do. And I'm going to blame my little whining binge on the fact I'm doubting my writing ability right now and I'm left scratching my head wondering if I did the right thing in sending out my pieces. Because of my blank little lapse in writing, I've had time to think and wonder...sometimes that's not a good thing.

My mind is racing like the slutty girl running for her life in the opening scene of a horror film. We all know how it is going to end for her, bloody and dead. But I can't help it today.

Why do I do this to myself? Why am I stressing myself out when I know that these insane thoughts will only pressure me to have grandeur, maddening thoughts that will trip my mind up on a tree inevitably leading my doomed, unanswered ideas with an ax/saw or icepick.

Will editors look at my stories/poems and laugh in a bad way? Will they not even bother with a response because my work is just so poor? No matter how I prepared, people check my work twice and three times over just to make sure the grammar is correct or that everything is cohesive, what if it still had mistakes?

How do I stop these thoughts before I go crazy?

I'm assuming time will help erase the jittering, panicked feeling of "What was I thinking I could write?!" but for now, I'm left with the waiting.

Maybe I'll learn some patience along the way. I hope I do, but for now I'm going to keep subbing, keep writing and kill those crazy thoughts with my own icepick (before they get me.) There's nothing more I can do, and once I get back into the swing of things, it'll all seem like a bad dream. Right?

The Honest Scrap

The good people at Shock Totem have set this blog "challenge" a rollin, and since everyone's jumping I wanted to as well. The point is to post ten things interesting about yourself. Others include K. Wood, PJ Ray, and started off with Mercedes Yardley. It's spreading like an STD but way more fun!! While most other people have led more interesting lives, I figured I'd like to do it as well (even though mine hasn't been so interesting) So here it goes!!

1.) I have picture memories from the time I was nine months old.

2.) I woke up July 18th, 2008 from a dream with voices in my head telling me to write. So I wrote it down, five weeks and five, five-subject Mead notebooks later I'd written my first rough draft of a novel. I've been writing ever since. I always wanted to before but didn't think I had the chops. But now I know that it's what I was always meant to do, and I finally feel right with myself.

3.) I dream in color, and often. I know that I've had a good night's sleep when I remember my dreams. Plus, my dreams are the reason I've never tried any mind-altering drugs. They are so wackadoo that I've too afraid to have any of them actually come into my reality. There are dreams I can still remember having from age ten and up. Those are the ones that are too freaky to forget.

4.) I have a degree in graphic design. Though I love being creative with drawing and painting I loathed working in the industry. I worked for a newspaper for three years, recreating ads; I worked for a logo company, recreating logos; and I worked for a snowboarding company, where I got to create the website, and work on their advertising. I still do some freelancing graphic design for people I gave the biz up because it wasn't for me.

5.) My invisible friends still come around to visit once in awhile.

6.) I have a deep affection for trees. Not in the "tree-hugging hippie" kind of way. But they have a calming affect on me, and in the summer/spring and fall I sit under them to write, read or draw. I love to hike and be in the forest.

7.) I will try anything once. Even if I'm afraid. There's too much out there to let your fears stop you, and I want to experience all of it if I can. If I'm afraid of something, it only spawns my desire to do it more.

8.) I truly believe in the cliche "You can do anything if you put your mind to it." I know that the only person whose stopping myself from getting what I want would be me, and I know that there is nothing we can't do if we set our mind to it. Even if things get hard.

9.) I have fabulous insight about people - good and bad. I don't let my insight prejudiced me. Because I understand that there are many shades of gray out there and not everything is black and white. However, to this day, I have only had one person prove me wrong.

10.) I'm an insanely loyal person. That doesn't mean I'm fickle with my loyalty, but once you're stuck with me, it's hard to lose me. (Of course, unless the #9 comes through and I get proved right.)

Okay! Ten things about me. Now let’s hear ten things about you! I tag YOU! Post the Honest Scrap picture on your blog and dish your dirt. Be sure to drop a comment so that I know you’re doing it. I’d love to come and see what you have to say.

Happy writing!
Hinny