I bit it.
The bullet I mean. I threw in the towel with my other WIP. I'm starting over. I know, I know it's usually the kiss of death when it comes to WIP's. Every article and book I've read on writing speaks true against it. I understand what I'm going to put myself through. I just can't justify spending anymore time on a story where my MC keeps saying "I don't know what's going on... but I'm going to find out." (and then she doesn't).
I was becoming defeated and yes, while I'm sure that happens with everyone, I was beginning to grow beyond frustrated. My new outline is firmly in place, along with word count goal. My characters are laid out. I just have to write the story. I have a great resolve in doing this and I've set my finishing goal for September.
This may be unprecedented, but I'm following my gut. It's going to get done. The characters are still talking to me. Albeit they aren't as nice as they once were because I haven't figured out their story yet.
I'm not even going to reference the rough draft. I'm going to view this as a completely different story. All of what I knew has fallen away anyway. So I'm starting over. I want to get this story done. Sticking with the original draft won't get me there. I can feel it. As for now I have no word count on my new MS and I wash my hands of the other one.
On a different note, (haven't figured out how these subjects go hand in hand, but I'm sure they do) I have not been sleeping well. I'm currently in my second week of not smoking and the withdraw symptoms are starting to take a toll on me. I'm irritable, and I can't concentrate on much. However I know these side effects are only temporary and my goal to quit will only get me further improved clarity for other aspects of my life. But the lack of sleep mixed with the lack of nicotine is a fine cocktail for a cranky Kara. Even with the patch. Which is wonderful btw, I highly recommend the patch to anyone who wants to quit smoking and doesn't have a heart murmur (I had a friend use the patch who had a murmur and the results weren't pretty. That's all I'm saying. I'm not a doctor of course).
The craving to have a cigarette is basically void. Which is fabulous because I'm not fighting the undying need to have just one more hit AND the bitchy symptoms. Yes, I'm craving coffee (which is so weird bc I don't drink coffee often...like ever) and Tollehouse Softbatch chocolate chip cookies, but that's it despite the sudden burst of frustration over something which normally wouldn't frustrate me. All temporary things. And the irritation doesn't last long. As long as I let it out. :D (poor McElhinny household).
Between the lack of sleep and the nicotine withdraw I don't need another frustration. I actually have a decent bit plodded out in my outline so I'm pleased and the beginning is much better already. I promise, to myself that I will finish this novel. It may have a different name in the end. But I will finish it.
*spits the bullet out of her mouth*
Now, I can rest a little easier, and maybe get some sleep.