I have been in a blog funk as of late, coming up with plenty of ideas to spout out to the kind readers of my page, but nothing has come to fruition. The Vocabulary (about my geeky love of words), The Running (where I compare running to writing), The Negativity (where I talk about the negative effects our thoughts have on us and how we combat them each and every day), The Critiques (where I discuss how I learned how to crit before I learned how to write a proper story and how important it is to me). Lots of ideas, and yet nothing to show for it. I'm sure those ideas will blossom in my lil brain soon enough, but for now a little story about my day.
Everyday can not go as planned. ("Ain't that the truth!" someone screams over from left-center). Today was like this for me. I woke up at six o'clock feeling rested, finally over my insomnia episode, and started to plan out what I would do today. Wake up, start laundry, eat breakfast, sweep, dishes, get kids dressed, go running, make brownies with the kids. My brother and his newly blushing fiance were coming over at noon so that gave me plenty of time, and we would have brownies to celebrate the occasion. :D
It was a sound plan. Then I fell back asleep.
I shot up out of bed at 9 am. My children were nestled in front of the television watching old episodes of Tom and Jerry, munching on cereal. Unfettered that mommy had slept in.
I didn't allow that to bother me. I had lost three hours, but still, I could do what I'd planned if I timed everything properly. I got myself something to eat, took my vitamins, read and started the laundry. I sat down to write, figuring a short half an hour while breakfast settled in my stomach would leave just enough time to go running and then make brownies.
The phone rang.
"Hey! We're on our way over!" said the blushing fiance. "Is that okay?"
"Oh, I thought you were coming over at noon?"
Nope. Turned out it was already ten thirty, and my brother had told me between eleven and twelve. They were already in the car, on their way over to my house so I couldn't say, "No, it's not okay, I have plans! The brownies aren't made yet, I'm not even dressed!" So instead, I said "Sure, come on over!"
I threw on some clothes, kissed the computer goodbye, (writing would have to wait), and brushed my teeth. Just as my foot hit the kitchen to clean, they walked through the door. Scratch the kitchen...
I will spare the details of the visit. However, they asked me, my husband and children to be in their wedding. :D (Keep reading, I promise it will be worth it).
After they left, I was starving, but I wanted run. If I ate first, I would have to wait again so, I would eat as soon as I got home. On my run I decided it was time to push myself just a tad harder. So I decided to run to the center of town (not far, probably a mile and a half one way).
When I run I always prepare myself for many things. Running is pretty uncomfortable, I've learned to make myself as comfortable as possible ie., dress for the weather, take my allergy medication before I go, use the bathroom. All of the things, which help make the process harder, I remove from the situation.
I couldn't find my running pants, I threw on sweats, and left my house. After a while, seeing as I hadn't eaten, my brain got fuzzy. A little voice in my head pulled me to the right and said "You should turn here! It'll make your run shorter!!" I ignored it. I was slightly heated from the sweats but I knew I could push through the discomfort. I wasn't having a problem breathing, I was just hot. Running does that to a person :D
I kept going. Thinking about my blog and how it would be a great story to tell all of you how I pushed myself and how good it felt to do something I didn't think I could accomplish. I would prove it to myself that things weren't as hard as they seemed to be in the moment.
At an intersection, a little voice said "Turn left here! You're not going to make it!"
I shrugged the voice off again. Negative thoughts are always trying to beat people down and if we listen to them we'd never accomplish anything.
Seeing the traffic light pole ahead told me I was in the center of town. "See?" I thought, "It didn't even feel like it was that long." And it hadn't. I hit the pole, turned and continued to run home. Three seconds later I realized I had to pee. Bad.
If anyone has ever run in CC, they'd know that it's okay to pee your pants (at least it was on my team, I never did, but plenty of the guys I knew had) as long as you kept going. But, I couldn't pee my pants. I was already dizzy, weak and peeing my sweats was not a good idea considering I would have to RUN home in wet sweats, when I was already shriveling under the hot sun. I held it, kept running and made my way home feeling a grand sensation of accomplishment, knowing that I did what I didn't think I could. I felt great for proving to myself I could run three miles with no problem, not listening to the little voice in my head that told me to turn around. I stretched and ate lunch and now I've never been better.
....Not quite. :D
Any woman whose had a child knows how impossible it is to hold your bladder. By the time I hit the funeral home I could barely contain it. Without my permission my bladder leaked and then let go at full force. Yes, I peed my pants. I also gave up trying to run in wet sweats. I hadn't prepared myself. Not only that, I haven't been running long enough, sleeping enough and eating well enough to have been able to attempt this run.
The funny thing, is that I thought I would be hard on myself for walking the rest of the way home, peeing my pants and not accomplishing my goal. However, I wasn't. That surprised me the most. Then I realized that there are times when we push ourselves TOO hard. And everything backfires on us. I can laugh at myself now because while yes, I am a thirty year old woman who peed her pants while running, in public, no less (and now writing about it on my VERY public blog) I'm not embarrassed. The fact of the matter is that I tried. I tried, and failed, but I didn't cry, I didn't get embarrassed, and I didn't become defeated.
It happened. There is nothing I can do about it, and at least tried. When I got home I showed my husband, my kids laughed and my daughter gave me a hug.
But I learned something today, (ah-ha! the point you're saying) just because I didn't finish my goal today doesn't mean I won't be able to do it tomorrow. I will be able to run this route again, I just have to give myself some time. Not push too hard and always, always, always remember to use the bathroom before I leave the house.
I am now showered, sitting here writing a non-writing blog entry (hope I didn't gross too many people out btw) and posting a completed post.
Have a great day folks!